Don’t let porn fool you. A lot of the time a three-way IRL just winds up being two people doing it while a third masturbates awkwardly near them. (And if you’re in a committed relationship and you think a threesome is a good idea, you’re wrong.) Here’s what guys actually think before, during, and after a threesome:
1. Yo, porn makes threesomes look so good. I don’t understand why real life isn’t more like porn. I’m sure if I had a real three-way, it would be exactly like this.
2. I can’t believe I’m getting the opportunity to have a real three-way. I bet this shit happens to Jason Statham all the time. This is what it feels like to be Jason Statham.
3. Wait. I only have one penis and there are two vaginas. What the hell am I supposed to do with the other vagina? I feel like I’ve been tricked. This is regular sex but more work.
4. Are they going to do lesbian stuff? I’m going to try to make them ki — alright, well, I guess that means no lesbian stuff. That’s really putting the pressure on me.
5. I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF A THREESOME! [singing] This is so great. I am having sex with two different vaginas. I can't wait to tell everyone about this. I am the best person ever.
6. Ok, I guess you try to move — nope. That’s not going to work. Alright, you get on top and you hold — dammit. Your elbow is literally inside my eye socket right now. How does no one know what to do here? Did we all just forget how to have sex? Ok, she’s literally just standing around right now. This is basically a middle-school play. Keep Reading »
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