Lately I can't get an ex out of my head while my husband and I are having sex. What does this mean, and how can I shift the focus back to my guy?
First of all, know that it's fairly common to think of an ex during sex, so stamp out any guilt that might be percolating in your conscience. So what's going on? "By conjuring up your old flame in the bedroom, you're comparing your husband to him, possibly because you remember having better sex or a stronger emotional connection with your ex," says Scott Haltzman, M.D., a REDBOOK Love Network expert and author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men. But don't worry — this doesn't mean you married the wrong guy! "It's easy to idealize and overvalue your old relationship," says Haltzman. "But it's not really fair to compare a guy you dated many years ago or had a short, steamy fling with to the man you've committed to share your life with, someone who gives you so much more than orgasms." If you feel like your hubby is coming up short as a lover, it's up to you to let him know — by showing or telling him — how he can give you more pleasure. Plus, most long-term relationships eventually suffer from a waning of excitement, Haltzman notes, and that may be the problem here. "To shift that intensity you're feeling about your ex back to your husband, spice things up in your relationship," says Haltzman. "Steal away to the broom closet together, ride a roller coaster, or even sign up to volunteer at a bake sale. Any new experience has the potential to reignite your bond — and to help you remember why you find your guy so darn sexy."
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