Sunday, April 3, 2011

Why does he take so long?

I can climax with very little effort. He, on the other hand, takes forever! He is on testosterone medication, but it is not helping. He says that when he masturbates, he has little trouble. Am I a failure?
Answer
"Delayed ejaculation" or "retarded ejaculation" is the third most common male sexual problem after ED (erectile dysfunction/having a hard time staying hard) and premature ejaculation. If he doesn't have trouble ejaculating when he's playing with himself (also known as "playing with Mrs. Palmer's five"), then he's just not getting the right friction when he's with you. A man who is used to masturbating with a faster motion may find it hard to climax when the pace is slower. There's no need for anyone to feel like a failure, but it can be frustrating. Typically, men who suffer from this are controlling and have a hard time letting go, so it's psychological as well as physical. Try learning some new strokes and pokes to see if you can get him off; the idea is to diffuse his anxiety about giving up control.
Start by giving him an awesome "handy." Even though it's hard to compete with a guy's own hand, experiment with some new strokes he hasn't used, like a two-handed up-and-down stroke, one where you use your thumb to rub up and down the underside of his penis head, or one where you oil up his man bone first with lube and make a firm up-and-down "swiping" movement. Try to get a steady rhythm and a firm pressure going to build up to a climax. He has to get "de-programmed" by getting used to a hand that isn't his own. Also, after you are satisfied, have him flip you over and do it doggy style. In this position, he can feel like he's controlling the friction.

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